I first came to hear of God's love at a Billy Graham outreach tent meeting on 1st September 1955 where I gave my life to Jesus. We went as a family to various churches where dad and mum went and grew up in a loving but very strict evangelical family. We then attended a Pentecostal Church (AOG) and on 2nd September 1961 I was baptised in water and on 20th September 1961 I was baptised in the Holy Spirit and received the gift of speaking in tongues. I am recording these dates, as they were very special milestones in my Christian life. In my Teens I rebelled badly and wanted nothing to do with God at all to my shame. When we moved back down to Essex from Derbyshire (We moved there when we got married) I still had these niggles in the back of my head - Had God forgotten me also? We went to a variety of churches similar to above and never felt at home there to be honest although the people on the whole were good and kind. It was while I was working away from home down in Dorset (I was a Computer System's Engineer) that I came across a church in a school that really was alive and full of God's love. I recommitted my life to Jesus that night and knew I was His child. We found another church in Essex we went to and for some years things were fine. On 31st December, 1985 "tragedy" struck - after an accident at work I became a T10 Paraplegic - as my case was not taken up in time we had no compensation - but Blessed be God *all* our needs were met. Then the difficulties really began. I have and still do believe that God can heal people today but where we were going, verses were sadly taken out of context and because I was not healed it had to be because there was either "sin in my life", I have no "word" from God for you", "I didn't have enough faith" "I had no hope" etc. I and my family (my wife and bewildered 14 year old youngest daughter) were eventually "Dropped" I say this now to show there is no bitterness, and pray for those who acted this way. I did weep at the unloving nature being shown. Through it all I knew God loved me and my family, thanks to Jesus, knew He was in control and not man or man's control. It was impossible to go as the "fellowship" had no accessibility and I felt abandoned by man but *not* by Jesus.

I tried to find somewhere else to worship (not easy as many churches are simply not wheelchair accessible) We found one locally, it was evangelical and the people were polite but next day I had a visit from the pastor who told me in no uncertain terms "We do not believe God heals today" - We felt devastated, we hadn't said one word and only been to one meeting. I then decided that perhaps I could stay at home and read my Bible, Pray and keep my relationship with Jesus on my own. As you will know if you are a Christian it is nearly impossible.

Around our local shops I used to run occasionally into a nun (Sr. Fidelma who later was one of my sponsors with Mary Kimberley) who was Charismatic literally and the love of Jesus shone out from her face. We had some great times of fellowship in the stalls and wherever and Whenever we met :-)

I should say here that for 30 odd years I was fiercely anti-Catholic and was taught what verses could be "used" to counter Catholicism, but God has a marvelous sense of humour :-)

I had a longing to pray somewhere other than my home and Sr. Fidelma suggested as her church was accessible why not in there? My feelings were mortified - I had good fellowship with her but she was a catholic after all. After a few months I asked if I could *but* there was to be no preaching at me or any pressure. She smiled and said to let her know the time and she would make sure the doors were open and I would be on my own.

If you have not had my upbringing you will never understand the problems I had just going into a Catholic Church.

The day came and I went with my Bible (remembering the verses just in case anyone tried to convert me :).  It was worse than I thought - I saw what I mistaken took for an "idol" of Mary there and an "idol" of Jesus on the Cross and found solace at the side where there was a stone pillar and a brass box on top with a candle by it. I positioned myself in front of it so that a pillar blocked my view of what I had mistaken for "idols". My first prayer was "Please Lord do not strike me dead for being in here I just want to be alone with you and pray". I knew *nothing* of Catholic beliefs at all just that they supposedly worshipped Mary - The Catholic Church was the wh**e of Rome and the Pope was the anti-Christ. This did not sit well with me but I slowly just sat there thinking of all the good things that God had blessed us with.

I am not sure how long I had been praying when this "voice" came so clearly into my head:

"My child be still, My child be still and know that I am God" - It amazed me, my reaction was "How can you be in a place like this"? I hastily closed my Bible and went straight home.

The next Thursday I went again - positioned myself so I couldn't see the "idols" and the same thing happened:

"My child be still, My child be still and know that I am God" - This time I felt that I should just be still. I waited and as I sat there in my wheelchair praying I had such a wonderful sense of God's love and peace just flooding my whole being and I silently began to worship in tongues and telling Jesus how much I loved Him and missed being with others to have fellowship with. Around 3 hours later I left for home. For around 6 weeks this happened every Thursday and eventually I meet the priest (Fr. Alan) and asked if I could just have a chat with him. We arranged to meet 2 days later.

He had such a love of Jesus and he never retaliated when I asked about the "idols" just explained the churches teaching on statutes and that Worship belongs to God alone. He was so patient and kind - I told him what had been going on for the past 6 weeks and when I told him about being still - he asked me where I was when this happened so I showed him. A *huge* smile spreads across his face. "Do you know where you were sitting he asked?" I said "hiding from the statutes". He smiled as he said that is called the Tabernacle and we believe that Jesus becomes Fully Present Real Presence during Holy Mass and the remaining "Hosts" are reserved there. This meant absolutely nothing to me but he seemed very excited. I asked him not to pray with and for me as I was a Christian and he was a catholic - with a loving smile he said Catholics are Christians and I was his brother in Christ and he would pray for me when I was gone. I couldn't get out fast enough, I didn't want anyone to see the tears in my eyes, I knew God was both there and in his life and I had been so rude, his loving reply had really gone deep into me and rebuked me far more than words could. When I prayed that night the first thing I asked was that God would forgive my unloving attitude. I then phoned up the priest (Fr. Alan) and asked his forgiveness - he said it was not necessary as he understood and any time I wanted to chat about anything to just let him know, finished by saying God bless and keep you, you are in my prayers.

Next day we went to a jumble sale - another little nun came up to me (I never found out her name, but still pray for her and thank God for her) gently put her hand on my shoulder, smiled and said God bless you, do you know that the love of Jesus is in your eyes? - This was getting much too much for me. Before I left her she gave me a little paperweight in wood that I later found out had the images of Our lady of Perpetual Succour on. I took it simply because I didn't know how to respond to such kindness and obvious love and not cause offense.

Some weeks went past and by then I knew that Catholics loved Jesus too but what was new to me they honoured Mary as being someone very special - which I had to agree was right (Luke 1:42)

I started going to Holy Mass on Sundays - didn't understand most of it but knew that Jesus was truly there and that at the consecration when they all knelt I saw love and worship in the congregations eyes. To be honest, I just wanted to get out of my wheelehair and prostrate myself at this point of the Mass as it "felt" so Holy. I was amazed at how much scripture was used all through the Mass, in fact it all appeared to be from the Bible, which added to my confusion :-)

Much later I saw a notice on the notice board saying there was going to be an RCIA course and everyone was welcome to come and learn what the Catholic Faith really taught. I let Fr. Alan know I would like to go and he was delighted (It is important here to say that not *once* did he force his beliefs on me and in fact at times even tried to dissuade me, but always said "seek God for yourself what He wants you to do" .

To cut a long story short I was taught what the Church really taught and my desire was receive my Blessed Lord's Body and Blood, which I knew I had to wait until I was confirmed and received into the Catholic Faith.

Then another mishap occurred:

I was due to be received into the Church on Easter 1995 - however another medical problem had flared up badly that meant I had to have Surgery and by the time I was recovered Easter would have come and gone. My longing was so great that I half asked can I not be received in earlier as I could not receive any of the Sacraments I had by the been taught about. I said it was unfair that I would miss the Sacrament of the Sick before surgery again and that Reconciliation, Confirmation and most importantly to me at that time receiving Holy Mass for myself - to be able to partake in our Lord's Body and Blood with my Christian family there.

February 11th there was a special meeting in the Church as the relics of Our Lady of Guadeloupe where coming, when I went up to be blessed whilst the others received communion, Fr. Alan said would you like to be received into the church tomorrow? My smile was a mile wide :-) "Yes please" I said it is more than I could believe. He had phoned the Bishop to obtain permission and thank God it was granted.

I went home and told Marian (I should state here that Marian has been 100% supportive and encouraged me in my quest - Truly Proverbs 31 was written about her) she was delighted. I phoned my parents and what shook me was my dad (Who is now passed away RIP) said yes he would like to come.

The next day was just full of Blessings and great emotion. It was Sunday 12th February 1995 and I was received into the faith that is so precious to me. I remember the loving look from Fr. Alan as he held the Host up and said "The Body of Christ" after he offered the Chalice and said "The Blood of Christ" - My reply to both statements was "Amen", and I humbly and joyfully received the Sacrament of Holy Mass at last.  This is still the center of my Christian Life and I truly thank God for it.

To this day my life is central to our Lord Jesus Christ, especially the privilege to receive Him at Holy Mass. I love the sacrament of Reconciliation, it is still embarrassing but then Jesus is there always waiting to forgive and restore through His priest. The Pope who I now honour and believe to be of Apostolic Succession to St. Peter was one of the "keys" on my journey when I saw him forgive the man who tried to kill him. Reading St. John chapter 6 was a really "major key" for me, and about an obscure place called Medugorje during my quest affected me greatly for the good. God has used many things to get me this far out of His great, unconditional love for me and us all. I am a fellow pilgrim on my way to meet my Blessed Lord and His Blessed Mother.

I have learnt that I am part of God's marvelous Family and grieve at the disunity there is in His Body. I am persuaded that I have something to do for Jesus that I can do (each of us has a unique ministry) - That is to tell of His marvelous love wherever I am, either physically or mainly now on the irc in the Internet. Please pray for me that God's will may be achieved in my life. If you click on this option Catholic - it is a very brief but good summary of how to become a Catholic.